


Dress to Impress

by 12drakon, Rizobact



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Dress Up, Fluff, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:57:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6171841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/12drakon/pseuds/12drakon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizobact/pseuds/Rizobact
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jazz is on a mission. He wants to stage a show, for the optics as well as the audials - or rather, for the eyes and the ears, because the show is for the humans. His first recruit is Bumblebee, instantly eager to dress up for their human allies - as long as they do it right. Who wants any cultural misappropriation? Their flashy ideas impress Spike so much he's speechless!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dress to Impress

**Author's Note:**

> 12drakon: This story is a part of a roleplay writing challenge. It was the first such experience for me, and I would like to thank Rizobact for showing me how.
> 
> Rizobact: I was glad to help make it a good experience for you! I had a lot of fun playing together with you and the characters.

"Bee! Just the mech I was hopin' to see!" Jazz sang out as he strolled into the rec room. "I'm in need of a mech who appreciates the curiosities of human culture."

As always, his posture was friendly and relaxed, but Bumblebee caught a certain gleam in his friend’s blue visor. Some interest, an intent. "Hello, Jazz!" Bumblebee waved. "What kinds of... curiosities?"

"What else? Musical curiosities!" Jazz grinned. "You know how humans put on concerts, yeah?"

"Hard to miss if you transmit it live, loud enough for the walls to shake."

"Hey, the walls like to dance too!" Jazz laughed, settling himself comfortably in a seat next to Bumblebee. "But actually, music's only part of the show at a concert!"

"Oh? To think, I've never actually been!" Bumblebee mused. "Blaster goes all the time, and you do. But me?" He shook his head. "What other parts are there?” Bumblebee's voice turned hopeful. “Like the stunt shows we used to have on Cybertron?"

"Yes and no," Jazz said. "They do the really fancy tricks at places called 'circuses', but the show is for the optics as well as the audials at a concert, too. Music’s only the beginnin’! People sing to music, dance to songs, and get all dressed up for dancin’."

Bumblebee laughed. "And, like the walls, you love to dance. Is that where this road is going?"

Jazz nodded. "Sorta kinda. I’ve got a direction in mind but I’m still workin’ out some of the route’s details, and it's more fun to drive with company, you dig?"

"You know," Bumblebee's grin was mischievous this time, "the part about dressing up does sound fun. Especially with company. But if we do that, it’s gotta be right!"

"And that is why I was hopin' to find you first," Jazz explained. "You and Spike spend a lot of time together, so you've got a good sense for human authenticity! And a sense of having fun, human style."

Bumblebee unfocused his optics, pulling up files on his HUD. "Well, the thing about Spike is, he... you know how he is. He always wears the same old thing, really. Or so similar it's hard to tell? Maybe there are subtle differences I miss! I didn’t mean it’s bad," Bumblebee quickly corrected himself.

"Don't worry, it looks pretty similar to me too." Jazz shrugged. "Seems like a waste. Humans have so many options when it comes to decorating themselves! Which brings me back to concerts - stage clothes are flashier than street clothes."

"Got any files you can share?" Bumblebee asked.

"Check it out!” Jazz queued up a data transfer and pinged the packet to Bumblebee. "Some of this is from the last concert Blaster and I went to. First time I've ever been to a really big show like that!"

Bumblebee's optics unfocused again, as he went through the files. "Whoa, mech! Look at the… and that thing with the beads, so many beads! How does that part even work?” Bumblebee tilted his head to one side then the other, as if the picture would fit better that way. “Does she have subspace?!"

"Crazy, right? Now that's some serious style!" Jazz gestured to his frame as he continued. "All I got's a nice paintjob and a flashy transformation sequence. The most dressed up I ever got were those decals they used to have in the clubs - you know, the reflective ones? I still have some and I’m willin’ to share."

"Reflective," Bumblebee repeated with a sigh. "Must be shiny, too? Wait, Jazz, back up a bit. Did you say 'stage clothes'? Okay, you can be on stage, you are..." Bumblebee waved his hand around vaguely, "well, Jazz. I want that thing, and I do have subspace, so it will work. And I'd add shiny reflective decals to it. And beads! Lots of beads. But what can I do on the stage?"

"Aw, mech, you don't think you could make music?" Jazz asked, offering another file with even more costumes and short clips of choreography. "I’m sure you could, but it’s okay - some of the people on the stage are just there to dance. And I know you've got some pretty sweet moves!"

Bumblebee nodded. "Thanks! Dance, yeah..." Jazz smiled when his friend’s voice turned from excited to dreamy. "I can see it now. Light just jumping off the decals, and… but wait a second, how do human stages work? Would they want us there? Why do _you_ want us there? You aren't doing it just for fun, are you, Jazz?" Bumblebee poked the other in the chest with a mock-accusing finger.

"What makes you think I have an ulterior motive?" The innocent face Jazz attempted to pull might have worked on a mech who didn't know him as well as Bumblebee did. As it was, it just looked comical. He seemed to know it, and he let his expression slip back into its usual grin a moment later. “I do want to do it for fun, but there _is_ another reason too."

"I knew it," Bumblebee nodded, grinning back. "I'll do it, too - as long as I wear something like that!" Bumblebee pinged Jazz with the picture of that complicated, subspace-requiring number made of twists and holes.

"Knew I could count on you, Bee!" Jazz clapped a hand on the minibot's shoulder. "I was thinkin' we could do a charity concert - you know, put on a show and sell tickets to raise money for a good cause? The humans would probably let us borrow a stage to put on a concert like that. Like the time we held that race, only this time we won't let the Decepticreeps show up and ruin it."

"What are Decepticreeps ruining again?" asked Spike, catching the end of the phrase as he entered the room.

"Nothing," Bumblebee replied. "We won’t let them. Come, look at that!" He pulled up the clothes files on the console screen. "We are selecting stage clothes. This is what I am going to wear. I think pink and lavender go so well with my finish! And I will add holographic decals, Jazz got them, and beads, lots of beads, and..."

"Um, Bee?" Spike interrupted quietly.

"Yeah?"

"This thing, it's... See how a girl wears it?"

"Yeah?"

Jazz glanced between the pretty picture, the eager Bumblebee, and the confused Spike. "Is there somethin' wrong with it?" he asked. "I think it looks great."

"But if you wear it, everybody will think you’re a girl!" Suddenly, Spike blushed. "Or, that you are not a girl, but..."

Bumblebee knew the color signalled embarrassment, like Wheeljack's flashy helm things. He patiently waited for words to come after "but", yet there was nothing. "Spike," he said finally, "I don't think anyone will mistake me for a human girl. I am, well." He waved his hands up and down himself. "I am too tall. And too metal!"

"That's right," Jazz said. "We're not boys or girls, we're Cybertronians. It'll be strange for us to be wearing any of this stuff, but it's all for fun and a good cause." He waved at the beaded fringe. "I'm kinda jealous Bee claimed that one: the way it moves when you dance is really cool!"

"Jazz, Jazz, Jazz!" Bumblebee said decisively. He was on a roll! "Check this one out. Larger beads, and," he lifted his finger for an important point, "this bottom part is shorter."

"Skirt," Spike supplied automatically, his face now slightly frozen, like it usually was when he watched one of his favorite scary movies.

"Yes, this 'skirt' will be great for you, Jazz. See, you do that leg thing when you dance," Bumblebee moved two fingers like jumping feet, then lifted them up and scissored them. "Imagine the beads jingle. These larger ones."

"Hey, I like the way you think!" Jazz said happily, ignoring their somewhat stupefied human companion. "All we gotta do is find a way to make these outfits big enough for us! That, and find a few more mechs willin' to be on the stage with us." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I know Blaster will help out, but can you think of anyone else who'd like to dress up with us?" he asked.

"This long blue thing... with a long thing... Spike, what do you call that?" Bumblebee asked their resident specialist.

"A dress, with a train," Spike replied.

"Won't that look gorgeous on Ironhide?" Bumblebee sounded like he was on a mission.

"The blue would certainly stand out against his plating," Jazz agreed. "I bet I can get the Prime to participate, and if he's on board then Ironhide'll have to join in!"

Observing from a well-concealed hiding place, Ravage felt as vexed as the human looked - the Autobots’ show was going to be ridiculous. The more of them went up on stage wearing those costumes, the better. He saved several pictures of the outfits as the Autobots discussed which ones would suit which mechs, tagging the ones he thought were particularly offensive. Soundwave would definitely want to know about this.

"Say, Spike," Jazz asked. "Any ideas where we can get enough beads and fabric for these?"

"Where the shops shop? Wholesale!"

Spike now appeared... intrigued, Bumblebee decided. "Jazz, do you really think Optimus would come? He would look fabulous in white. This one, like the Earth clouds with jet contrails," Bumblebee pointed. "It’s different from the others, somehow. Proper for the Prime, don't you think?"

"It does have a certain dignity, doesn't it?" Jazz agreed. "And white's a symbol for purity - can't be a more fitting color for the Prime!"

Spike shook his head disbelievingly. "Are you having a concert or a wedding?" he muttered, not even trying to correct his friends this time. They didn't hear him, but Ravage did, startling almost enough to hit his head on the low ceiling in the vent.

"This concert will be _fabulous_!" Bumblebee exclaimed. "Want to come with, Spike?" And, seeing his friend's face coloring pink again, "You can wear your usual thing. Any of your usual things, I mean." Bumblebee quickly added, just in case. "Though, what do you think of..." he pulled up another picture.

Ravage thought he'd seen quite enough, however entertaining the human’s sputtering noises. As quiet as he came, he disappeared to deliver his report. Slinking away from the exuberant Autobots, Ravage carefully eluded the Ark’s security, made his way back to the Decepticon base, and went directly to Soundwave.

"Ravage: report," Soundwave ordered.

"I've discovered the Autobots’ latest plan to ingratiate themselves to the natives of this planet," he told him.

Initiating a data transfer, Ravage replayed the images that he had recorded as well as the Autobot's conversation and eager plans. "According to the human Spike, the costume they have selected for Optimus Prime is the traditional garb for a human bonding ceremony," he explained. "They are unaware of its significance."

"Ravage: done well," Soundwave acknowledged, never overdoing his praise.

"Hey, boss!" Frenzy interjected, giggling and elbowing his twin, who was holding both hands over his mouth, failing to stop the laughter. "Imagine Megatron in matching bonding clothes? Wouldn't that be, as Jazz says - _fun_?"

"Frenzy, Rumble: behave," Soundwave scolded. " _Lord_ Megatron."

Ravage cocked his head thoughtfully. "It would be a good way to infiltrate the event," he offered. "The humans will assume he is supposed to be there if he is in costume as well." He cringed, realizing that meant that any Decepticon going to the concert would also need to dress up. By the gleam in the twins' optics, they'd figured that out too.

"You know what, Boss?" Rumble asked seriously, looking Soundwave up and down.

"Negative," Soundwave replied curtly.

"Pastels!" the twins said in unison.


End file.
